Home > Fail, Paladin, Warcraft > The Entitled Tank

The Entitled Tank

So I’d like to think that I’m not a complete jackass in LFD.  I have a simplistic collection of expectations of other players.  The healer will keep me alive, the DPS will attack my target and CC the mobs I give them.  In return, I’ll make sure mobs stay off them, bosses don’t own them, and all in all keep up the pace for a fairly quick clear.

So why on earth do I get people who fail at even basic game mechanics?

I admit–when I zone in after my 2 seconds in queue, I’m ready to roll.  Flask up (alchemist), buff Kings on everyone, say hello, and away we go.  I do watch mana before charging in, but usually the healer’s a guild mate, so I’m not stressing.

If you’re not in the instance by the time I complete the first pull, I will vote kick you.  I’m not going to stand around and wait for you to finish your quest, gank that Alliance, whatever you may be doing.  I want to get through the instance as fast as possible, and with the new instances, it’s sometimes not possible to chain pull, which is my favorite way to run.

I will grats you when you ding, get an upgrade, whatever.  I will explain boss fights if you are wearing the helm of shame in BRC or if you are upfront and say “I don’t know this place.”  If you don’t speak up, I’m assuming you have a clue.

I’m also assuming you’re smart enough to move out of fire, lightning storms, whatever it may be.  I’ll do what I can to reduce incoming damage on the party for the healer (raidwall), but I expect you to be fairly aware of your surroundings and move out of stuff that hurts!

If you’re not attacking my target, I’ll stick a skull on something and hope you get the point.  If you continue to attack something else, I will stand there and watch you get owned and taunt when the mob runs to the healer.  Please note, I’ve already communicated with the healer and told them to not heal you.  You will learn, and if it’s through your tank-priced repair bills, then so be it.  If you continue to do it (don’t worry, I’m watching your aggro on Healbot), I will vote kick you.

If I request that you CC something please, it’s an expectation that you will do as I’ve requested.  If you don’t, well, I’ll be taunting off the healer only…so you can explain to your fellow DPS why they are dying because you couldn’t be bothered to CC the target the tank asked you to.

DPS with interrupts–don’t worry, I expect you to NOT have them on your bars.  I only interrupt out of the kindness of heart for my healer or to avoid dragging a fight out.

Melee DPS and positioning…haven’t you learned yet that your place is behind the mob(s)? At some point, the healer’s not going to heal you through that cleave you just ate, for no reason aside from your utter stupidity on positioning.

Let’s not even get me started on DKs who like to play “Spin the Dragon.”  There’s another surefire vote kick if I’m really moody.  Hey, no loss for me, you’ve got a 30 minute queue now.

This post is basically a great summary of my night last night.  The highlights:

  • Hunter isn’t in instance when I start pulling
  • Vote Kick attempt fails–the DPS will eventually regret this
  • Hunter QQs because the tank and healer aren’t “nice” and “won’t wait for me to finish this quest”
  • Hunter proceeds to DPS all the mobs I’m not targeting
  • Hunter proceeds to not CC his marked targets – which requires DK to off-tank them and fuck up my threat on an AS silencing pull
  • Hunter has growl on his pet bar and hasn’t turned it off
  • DK chooses to Army on drake boss – Spin the Dragon ensues
  • DK falls off the instance (WTF?) – not punted by a mob, FALLS
  • DK proceeds to ignore final boss mechanic (oh and another Army moment), and gets 3-shot by the storm
  • DK requests BRez from a Shaman – Shaman responds back with “When I get that skill, I’ll definitely use it”
  • Hunter gets pissed that Shaman won’t BRez (I had to stop tanking at this point because I was facepalming)
  • Boss dies, no one died the full instance run, even though the hunter tried to make that happen
  • Hunter calls me a half-assed tank and the healer lazy, and leaves group

The best part was that a later conversation had myself and the healer labeled as “stinky baddies.”

There’s a reason Gab says, as soon as he enters an instance, “I don’t heal stupid.”

I don’t tank for stupid.

Play your class, do what is asked of you, and I just might save you 30 minutes in the queue by running something else with you.  If not, it’s not my loss!

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Categories: Fail, Paladin, Warcraft
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